[It will enhance your reading pleasure if you’ll watch/listen to the video on the sidebar to the right entitled: Does He Love You by Reba]
Are you ready? I must say when I did my research I wasn’t shocked at what I found out about “her”. What I found that surprised me was the conflict that came from within me.
I declare this is a tough assignment. Kind of like trying to hang myself! Oops! Did I just raise your eyebrows? Take a sip of your coffee and fasten your seatbelts, ladies…
Now for those of you who have been following me on Facebook, you’ve heard my testimony and have a feeling that you know me. And you think: She would never go with a married man. And if you hold the position of being a man’s wife, maybe the hair on your arms and at the base of your neck kind of just prickled and raised. So before you judge me too harshly, let me explain.
I have never been, nor do I intend to ever allow myself to be “the other woman” in the way that you all imagine her to be. The one who steals your man away by her seductive charms and doesn’t give one iota about you. But, if I’m to be honest, and help you to be aware of how to prepare in advance for this difficult situation that can happen, then I must clue you in to come of age in your thinking.
It’s not like in the movies. And it’s not always like Tammy Wynette sang in her song… Sometimes the so-called ‘other woman’ is you & me. “You’re living your life, minding your own business, when BAM! There’s this man that you make eye contact with. And then you scan him up & down. And find yourself thinking: Wow! And he doesn’t have on a wedding band.”
He flashes a beautiful smile and returns the “look you over” to you.
Now, it’s possible this man could be your husband. But, I don’t know this. He leads me to believe that he’s a hard-working, all-around good guy that has to travel with his business. And he wants to get himself more secure before he takes on a wife and kids. He’s very charming and gives me the exhilarating feeling that if I handle things right I can be his wife. I’m falling for him fast and going to pursue him and do everything I know to do to become his one and only. To me, “he’s my husband”, would be such a beautiful phrase and joy to say. To rest from the hurt of loneliness and the mean ones out there who pursue me relentlessly. Those who hope they can conquer me for a night of pleasure and then easily toss me into their minds’ trash bin along with the others who meant nothing to them.
Now suppose you discover my number in his phone? You start placing pieces of this puzzle together in your mind. Your heart begins to pound and even ache. Who am I? How far has this gone? No wonder he’s been lost in thought so many times lately! He’s been snapping on you, too, telling you: “Don’t start with your nagging!” And those nights he was claiming “I have to work overtime”, but you haven’t seen the extra money. You look at your children and suddenly the anger takes over. And you’re ready to whip my behind and make him pay the rest of his life for this. BETRAYAL!
Alright. Pause with that picture of the “other woman” that was just presented to you. Now meet this one:
She’s the one out there that doesn’t mind he’s married. She’s got the attitude “I’m a pit bull, honey, and you’re a little Shih-Tzu. I want him and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”
Now, she’s very much like the one you’ve seen in the movies. All the right lines and moves. She’s really experienced and has been with plenty of men. She’s giving him the lead. But he’s the one who takes it and crosses the line.
He’s got plenty of excuses lined up, too. Not just for himself, but for you – the little wife at home. The old ‘I’m a man and have needs’. He blames you for the times you didn’t want to make love to him. You’re always too tired and busy with the kids. And he thinks to himself, “you don’t understand me”. He reasons with himself that he’s got to have some time away from you. You’re always on his back about the bills and nothing ever satisfies you.
Now, pause again, here. I want you to see what I’m saying to you, because the cold hard facts are these: you can never just deal with “the other woman”. It’s a triangle. There’s your side of the story, there’s hers, and there’s his. This situation can and does happen.
So, what’s your options? If you’re his wife, you have legal rights. And you’ve got a decision to make. If you want to keep your husband then, give him the ultimatum: “This had better never happen again” and mean it! Protect yourself! Stay fully aware of the financial situation in your home. Protect your children from the hurt that all this can cause. It’s better if they never know anything about this. So don’t make the mistake of berating and arguing with him in front of them.
Violence isn’t the answer either. Although you may feel like hitting him AND the other woman, it would only put you in a position of being further harmed. You don’t want to be sued for medical expenses, nor charged with a crime.
But you can change yours and his phone numbers. There are such things as no-trespassing and protective-orders. Move away. Do whatever you need to do. But remember, you and he have to be honest with each other. And you will have to work together on your relationship or you’ll find yourself always looking over your shoulder, no matter where you go, always worrying about another “other woman”. @END (Comments Welcome Below)