June 8, 2019
Get your coffee, honey’s and listen closely. I thought that since we’ve been discussing relationships these past few weeks, maybe I should broaden the subject today. You know our romantic partnerships are not the sole relationships we deal with.
One of my friends suggested I also talk about those other relationships that are part of a woman’s universe of issues. Specifically, the topic “frenemy’s” was on her mind. At first I laughed, then thought, “Okay. Why not?” After all, whether you’re a female or male, we’ve all had a “frenemy”. You all know what I mean, don’t you? That person who is pretending to be a friend of yours, but in actuality is your rival?
It’s kind of an unspoken thing on the surface between the two of you. You both speak the niceties of social behavior, but when the opportunity arises, for some reason this person will make jabs at you. While at the same time, this puzzles you because this same person may also encourage you to do well at something. Just don’t do it better than them or you’re in hot water again!
It can and does happen with family members, too! And at your workplace. Also, and get this, even at church. Come on now. Ya’ll know how it is. Can I get a witness?
For example … let’s say it’s an “invite your friends to visit Sunday’s services” situation. After the service refreshments will be served by the regular members, creating the opportunity for the members to ‘meet ‘n greet’ the new visitors. So all the ladies get together and volunteer. One says, ‘I’ll bring the sandwiches’. Another says, ‘I’ll bring some punch’. ‘I’ll bring the chips’ offers another and so on down the line. All decide that it should be kept “simple”. Paper products, and even down to the desserts, keep it simple, sweethearts! Alright you say, I’m sure I can make enough cookies for everyone. And that’s when your frenemy, who happens to be the one next to you chosen to provide dessert for that day, swoops in. “Cookies? Oh, that’s what I was going to do! But, well, I don’t know what now– but I’ll get something sweet to bring.” Heavy sigh. You, then, offer, “Would you rather bring the cookies? I can switch…” She smiles sadly, “Oh, no, dear, you go right ahead with your plans. See you all next Sunday!” Her exit is, to say the least, dramatic. In that way of hers.
The BIG day arrives. Sunday Funday. The service is good. Afterwards, the ladies quickly set up the meet ‘n greet. You arrange your cookies to look attractive, kind of proud of yourself. Just simple sweet heart-shaped ones with buttercream frosting. Then it happens. In walks your frenemy. We’ll call her “Miz Sassy-Frassy”. She’s brought in a couple of helpers to set up an elaborate production: a Noah’s Ark Cake. Someone yells, “Oh! Get the camera!” She begins to take her bows and you feel like your cookie’s crumbling. But, then, you pray. “Help me to have the right attitude” You quickly add your applause and offer a compliment, “What a beautiful job!” Then she says, “Where’s your cookies, dear”? – Loud enough for the next county to hear. She takes one up and with just a nibble says, “Oh. My. Well– that’s not too bad.” And lays down the part she didn’t eat. “Well, at least you tried.” She pats you on the back and quickly asks a question about the morning service. Other members and visitors are all around the two of you. You feel the fire of blush in your cheeks, but you manage to hold on to your composure and get through this dreadful moment. Inside you can’t help consoling yourself, though. One of these days, you think, I’m going to do something that will top that cake of hers and let her know how I really feel.
See what I mean? Now, it’s always the right thing to do your best … to be a true friend and be fair with others. After all … anyone can have a bad day, a moment when they’re irritable and snap. Self included. But a frenemy’s main characteristic is sarcasm. It’s a pattern with them. They’ll cut you down in pubic and shape the situation so that if you try to say anything you look bad. And they’ll pass it off as, “I was just kidding you!”
A true friend may sometimes tease you, but they respect your feelings.
And know this: If you have a frenemy instead of a friend on your hands … it will manifest without a doubt given a little time. Their passive-aggressive behavior will get worse and you can look out for sabotage. It’s truly better to have one or two true friends, than a large number of “you’re not sure of” frenemies.
Trust your gut. If you feel uncomfortable with someone, there’s a reason for it. Be true to yourself. See you next Saturday. @end